a full week

2007-11-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

as if the writer in me is threatened by the impending writers' guild of america strike....(haha! feeling manunulat!) i sit here typing up an end of the week recap of my adventures with lil....
monday was rainbows night. a program that danielle and i eagerly attend, geared to helping people who have been dealt a loss, either through death of a loved one or in dealing with unhappy instances of separation or divorce. we are on our third week and we both are settling into it, albeit still at the water's edge, dipping our toes in, anticipating the tides of change surging toward us. very gingerly but firmly planting our feet on the ever shifting sand open to what may come.
i have come to meet parents who seek the same as i do,or maybe something else, but definitely open to anything that they may take away from the table. i sense angst and bitterness in the parents' room. yet under that dreary cloud, there is a united longing for change in whatever each person's circumstances are. and hope is always good.
as for the kids, there is a "confidentiality clause" and to which extent the kids understand this and adhere to, i am still trying to figure out. but lilly sums it up quite succintly. on the phone with lolo mike, she says " lolo, i am in a class that takes bad things and bad thoughts away. i am excited!" the depth or width of what is "bad" for her, i can only surmise, but for her to have hope that things will be okay, i am glad.
i often share with her this line that gets me through tough times. it is from the parable of king solomon who was presented with a golden ring promising the happy wearer to forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer to forget his sorrows. on it were inscibed three hebrew letters _gimel, zayin, yud_, which began the words "_Gam zeh ya'avor_" -- "This too shall pass." these four words make me cherish happy moments as they happen, reminding me to be present in that moment. and in sad times, i find solace in the fact that the clouds will clear up and the rainbow will shine through. that is another symbol of hope that makes me smile, makes me masaya, wherever and whenever i set my eyes on one.
whew! and that was only monday!
tuesday is lil's regular gymnastics day. an activity that has harnessed her commitment to succeed. she has so much fun on the balance beam, the uneven bars, the floor routine mat, the climbing nets and ropes, the rock wall, the giant trampoline and her most favorite, the tumble track! her exhiliration is evidenced by the wide smile plastered on her face after each trick she completes. i see the big smile as her eyes meet mine making sure i caught her awesome performance. i am proud of my little show-off! :)
wednesday? just when you think things should be quieting down for the week.....it's halloween! my beautiful girl wanted to be a rockstar. but when the feathers on the rockstar's boa proved to be too itchy, she settled for a high school musical cheerleader outfit. buti na lang! because her next choice was a goth-inspired get-up with the ubiquitous halloween skull with crossed bones symbol. yikes! i wouldn't know where to get black lipstick to complete the look!
we had so much fun going around the neighborhood. so this is how it's done. the kids go running from door to door, screaming "trick or treat!" fully expecting bowls laden with goodies. meanwhile, the parents chaperone them with sangria in hand....followed by mike's hard iced tea..... followed by lemonade with vodka.... followed by....okay, okay! i drew the line when we got to the house offering tequila shots! :) that is how we kept our sanity and that is how the kids enjoyed an extra hour or two of trick or treating. everyone is happy, all is well!
thursday: violin with jules. he is about a hundred years old...worth of talent to impart. hahaha! lil says "he is not that old mama. he can still walk without a walker." spoken like a true physical therapist's daughter! she loves music and getting the notes right is another chance for her perfectionism to come into play. she says rockstars have to be musicians, not just celebrities! see, britney spears all over the place has actually taught my daughter to be a quality rockstar.
thank God it's friday! make up gymnastics class today. one hour of solid physical exertion. she has been always good, but it is me you have to congratulate as i have gotten better. gone were the days of watching intently for any falls, anticipating bruises and worying about fractures. i can tune out all the painful possibilities and tune in to listening to soothing music. no more frazzled nerves watching through the glass windows of the gym. and my smile to meet hers as she seeks me out for approval after a routine is much more serene. another lesson in learning to let go under my belt.
that is all my kwento for now :)

are you there God?

2007-10-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

....is the title of my favorite library book in grade school, smuggled and hoarded among the in-crowd of the stc library (it helped that my best friend's mom was the librarian). penned by judy blume, it was a story about a girl growing up sifting through changes and trying her best to be malleable with adjustments she had to cope with. she had friends and she had best friends, but still, there were things she could not open up to them about. so she starts a conversation and has an ongoing dialogue with God.
it was a really good idea, i thought, to talk to God. and i have been since then. knowing His many faces through the years, from the God i spoke to during prayers as taught when i was a little theresian, to my Kuya Jess, in Ateneo's Days with the Lord. God was someone i was bargaining with all throughout PT school (sige na God, magsisimba ako tuwing 7AM sa hospital chapel, ipasa niyo lang ako sa test ko!). the God i found strength and solace from when i was with junie and the God who i thought was giving me a really hard time when i lost him to cancer.
there was a heavy pause in my talks with God then, not so much in spite, but because i was dazed and confused with what had just happened. i thought "di na siya nakikinig, di na siya naaawa". but in hindsight, just when i thought He forgot, he was even more present in my life, giving me hugs through loved ones, taking care of me through co-workers, by giving me a sense of worth through my patients in need. but most of all, He was present by teaching me that one great love is not lost if a beautiful danielle is to remind me of that love flourishing day by day.
20 years out of grade school, "are you there God?" is still one of my favorites. most of what you need in life is learned in kindergarten? hindi naman siguro, but i'm sure by 6th grade, everything necessary was covered. now i just have to unlearn all the high school fallacies - "if you're meant you're meant" and all that. but that's another kwento :)

kwento ni Twink

a full week

are you there God?